This week needs to end so I can start waiting for the following week to end.
I’ve just been in this perpetual state of tiredness and I feel absolutely drained. Due to this current condition every little negative thing that happens in a day is amplified. One of my worst habits is that I get discouraged too easily. Just because I didn’t do as well on something as I had wanted or hoped I beat myself up over every little thing; I start mulling over and reevaluating every single minute detail to the point of doubting myself and my abilities. It’s not the end of the world, but it always feels like it at the moment. I hate being micromanaged, but the irony lies in the fact that I micromanage myself. I try to plan out every single moment which is ridiculous and unrealistic because life if just too relentlessly unpredictable for you to try to tame it to some artificial schedule. I just compound everything because I think that every little thing has some crazy link/effect on my future and if I make even one stupid mistake I feel like another door is closing.
This week has been especially depressing what with the S. Korean Ferry Tragedy and the constant bombardment of Korean news covering the incident. My parents watch the Korean news both in the morning and at night and everyday I see these images of parents crying and I hear about people holding onto the smallest hope that there is some sort of miracle that there is a survivor somewhere. There has been such sharp criticism and condemnation of both the negligence and selfishness of the captain and crew and it’s honestly sickening. How could they abandon all those students to save themselves? There was an announcement made on the boat telling all the students to stay still and in their rooms so as not to cause too much movement on the sinking boat… the few students who didn’t listen to the official instructions were the ones who survived. However, the majority of students who did as they were told died by drowning in a sinking boat. The messages sent between those scared students and their parents during those last moments before the boat went under are truly heartbreaking to read. The vice principal who went to the school trip was one of the adults that escaped, and there was also initially sharp criticism for the vice principal leaving and not helping out his students. Due to this criticism from the public and due to personal guilt he committed suicide. The incident is just so depressing and it’s strange, everyday I read news headlines and articles of death and tragedy, but I never know the in-depth details of every news story so I feel somewhat separated from all the sadness and misery of it all. Everyday the body count goes up as another lifeless corpse of a student is found. Korea is such a passionate nation and they are very open with their emotions no matter how strong. With this tragic incident, the nation is collectively mourning and there is this heavy omnipresent feeling of sadness and anger.
I’m just having a bad week. Thankfully, talks with friends always makes things better (that’s an implicit thank you if you’re reading this… I really needed to laugh haha). I just need to distract myself from my thoughts by focusing on happier things. Besides, the week is almost over and I can recharge and get back on that study grind.2 notes